When you accidentally yank off a head (hey – it happens) and there’s nobody to fling it at, it’s not really that funny – it’s just a nuisance. Surgeon Simulator 2 repeatedly prompts you to bring – or make – friends to play with, and I couldn’t imagine finding the game as enjoyable with nobody to share each moment of chaos with. While this ride can be taken alone, it’s one that is absolutely intended to be played with friends. That’s exactly what Surgeon Simulator 2 is going for, so when the weird shit gets going, it’s a very good ride. Each level politely screams “something’s not right”, especially when a plain-looking office room requires a human arm to enter. From the ominous music to the disquieting sterile halls, Surgeon Simulator 2 feels like a British sibling of Portal– so I was always expecting the campaign to take a dark turn. Very early on, I realised that the story mode – which I went into totally blind – was absolutely nothing like I was expecting. They could be fairly repetitive – the main culprit was having to hunt down those bloody fuses – and I was particularly frustrated that there were no checkpoints, meaning that one of the many accidents in Surgeon Simulator 2 could force you to replay the entire, often tedious, stage from scratch. While I was completely engrossed in learning more about these founders, like my exasperation with the saw, I did start to grow tired of the puzzles within story mode. The levels are narrated with some quintessentially British commentary, so you’ll get to know all of the founders from the snide complaints of their colleagues. These sorts of tasks are grotesquely fitting to the story o f Surgeon Simulator 2, where the founders of a hi-tech medical training facility have gone a little overboard in the pursuit of science. In the story mode, I spent more time solving puzzles and fetching fuses than actually carrying out medical procedures – and although i’m not a doctor I’ve never seen a surgeon remove a patient’s head to unlock a weirdly demanding door. The surgery, honestly, isn’t actually a massive part of Surgeon Simulator 2, despite what the name may have you believe. However, the frustrating process grew tiresome quickly and I resorted to ripping limbs off like the Hulk in scrubs, which was far less professional but much less frustrating. It’s amusing at first – in just one of my medical mishaps, I was cackling when my bloody saw emerged with a lower intestine forked firmly to the tip, especially considering I was only trying to remove his arm. Using a saw to hack off a limb often obscures the handy “cut-here” lines that are helpfully laid out, meaning that you can spend far too much time trying – and failing – to remove the limb safely. In my experience, these accidents fall into two categories: they can be funny or they can be frustrating, and rarely can they be both. There are separate controls for moving your arm and hand, which means that in Surgeon Simulator 2, accidents in the operating theatre are incredibly common. Well, it would be, if controlling your character wasn’t so deliberately clunky. From there, it’s just a matter of chucking in a new one – it doesn’t really matter where – and we’re good. With the blood loss stemmed, I get back to the real task at hand – reaching into his chest and plucking out his heart with a good old-fashioned Kali Ma. Just as we think we’re about to lose our patient, there’s a satisfying plop as his leg rejoins the rest of his body. I sprint for a yellow syringe to staunch the bleeding, but in my panic I grab the tray beneath it, scattering our life-saving medicine across the floor like marbles. Across the operating table, my fellow surgeon is fighting through waves of blood to assault the poor man with his own thigh, desperately trying to reattach it with a little too much force. I don’t know how or, to be honest, when it happened but here we are. The leg isn’t – under any circumstances – meant to be halfway across the room. With a bit of debased bludgeoning, the squeaky toy managed its task without a problem – although as I finally squeaked my way to the crack of bone, there was, actually, one teensy-tiny problem.
To get to that pesky blood-pumper I needed to get through a frustratingly intact set of ribs, and with a rubber duck located conveniently closer than any “real” surgical tool, I gave in to my temptation. I hadn’t covered this with the patient, who was laid in front of me in need of a new heart, before the surgery. READ MORE: ‘Sleeping Dogs’ is still the gold standard for virtual cities.Did you know that a rubber duck, applied with enough force, can break a set of human ribs? If you’ve answered no, don’t worry about it – until Surgeon Simulator 2, I didn’t either.
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